Why I Joined

Any story has to have a beginning for the ending to making sense, so I'll start there.

I joined the U.S. Army out of a sense of duty to my country.  I know, right?  It felt like an honorable thing to do, considering all of the benefits I received simply by being American.  It has been subconsciously ingrained in me that having served is something that a person should do, and all of the strong, confident people I find to be worth emulating have all served.  My wife and I were ready for an adventure, too.  I was approaching the age limit to join as an officer, which was 30 at the time, and I was at a natural transition point in my career, so we decided that it was now or never.  We chose now.

Having served, and having served overseas, I am not sure what I think of the military and that decision we made together.  At a small unit level, the Army can be wildly successful as a tactical force.  But strategically, it more often than not seems to blunder unguided and without purpose, or with a constantly changing purpose.  The Soldiers to your left and your right are almost invariably good and dedicated people, willing to go through a shit storm simply because they would rather be there with you than know they have let you down in any way.  It's at those moments, the moments when everything around you sucks, the moments when you can say without doubt that the world does not care about your personal existence, that you can look around and see with complete certainty that the people who are in that moment with you care about your existence in a deep and fundamental way.  The team becomes one.  Experiencing that, even just to a tiny degree, makes you realize just how bad life is but how wonderful it can be.  When humans are at their worst -- taking each others' lives over ideas and resources -- we're also at our best -- giving our own lives so someone else has a chance at survival.  It also makes other relationships more pale, and it makes it more difficult to relate to people who have not glimpsed that same horrible epiphany, almost like the veil of reality has been torn apart by the gruesome parts of the world to reveal a deeper beauty.  These moments can be so incredibly fleeting, and yet incredibly rewarding.  That, along with the fast-paced wide-open-throttle nature of Army life, even during the slow days of "hurry up and wait," can make Army life addicting.  I understand why so many people want to make a life of it.

The Army also does a lot to try to "compensate" for the pain it puts you and your family through on a regular basis:  free housing and an incredible community of neighbors, top notch health benefits for the family, excellent schools for your children, retirement.  You are given so much and your family is tempted to take these things in an attempt to fill the void caused by your absence and emotional distance even when you are around.  Ultimately, for us, those things were not enough.  In a way, the Army's give-and-take begins to feel like a classic abusive relationship.  Fortunately, I have career options; but so many people in the military do not, or at least do not believe they do.  And the Army does only token things to help people discover careers outside of the Army.  There is a a culture that divides those in the military from those outside the military.  It says that civilians are lazy, do not do their jobs right, and don't understand what is important.  Military members are productive, intensely focused, and cut through the corporate crap.  Well, in my experience that's simply not true.  The rank structure of the military teaches people to be confident only in a very narrow range of tasks, while making them scared to "step outside their lane," and we're taught that civilian life is foreign and way outside of our lane.  The truth is, the majority of people in the military have very little experience with civilian jobs, even among the highest ranking individuals.  Most joined the ranks immediately after school and have not deviated for 20, 30, even 40 or more year careers.  They just don't know what life outside the military is like, and that makes the military very conservative and untrusting of change or outside influence.  Military members do not know how to transfer their strengths from the military to a civilian job, and the military has no idea how to use a person's civilian experience or credentials within the military.  I joined with a specific set of skills born through my civilian job.  I went through OCS (officer candidate school) after BCT (basic combat training or "boot camp") and "branched" (was given my broad job description based on Army need and a list of my preferences) just like every other person in OCS.  Simply put, a person joining the military to become an Infantry officer takes the same path as a person wanting to become a Finance officer, and they have almost no control over whether or not they will become an Infantry or Finance officer when the time comes to branch.  I knew that that is what I signed up to do.  In fact when joining I was eager to go into the combat branches which is one of the more likely routes.  But looking back at the process now it seems so wasteful.  How is the Army supposed to attract talented individuals when they completely disregard that talent?  It is one example of the conservative and unerring way the Army operates which makes it unattractive to anyone that already has skills.  The Army believes in breaking people down before building them up, but there are times when you can recruit people with skills the Army needs and claims to want without the need to break a person down first.  For instance, why would a Certified Public Accountant with the highest degree of financial education available choose to join the military to use his or her accounting skills when there is only a tiny chance of actually becoming a Finance officer after having already signed and committed?  And, does a Finance officer with 20 years of military experience have the same qualifications and credentials as a civilian C.P.A.?  No, not unless they did it on their own in addition to their military job.

I joined the Army when it was just me and my wife.  We had considered having kids but knew the time was not right before.  When we decided to give it a shot, it only took one try.  I had joined wanting to go in to the combat oriented branches, especially Armor, and seriously thinking I would do 20 years to get the pension retirement.  But becoming a future father changed that.  I requested the Logistics branches as my top choices knowing that if I deployed at least I would not be the guys going out looking for trouble.  I was high on the OML (Order of Merit List) and so it was easier for me to get one of my top choices, but in no sense guaranteed.  Lots of my friends were not so fortunate.  Becoming a father continued to inform every decision I would make in the Army.  Ultimately my family and I decided that I could better serve my wife and son as a civilian at home than as a Soldier abroad.  For others, the benefits do outweigh the risks; but I believe the Army could do a lot more to attract and retain the top talents in America instead of leaving those people on the table to be picked up by big businesses and corporations that do not always have the nation's best interests in mind.  The Army understandably emphasizes physical fitness, but over a 20 year career a person's body will invariably deteriorate from the stresses.  What we need to be emphasizing is not just the physical, and not just the training, but real and true education to attract leaders and Soldiers that understand the goals and will take the initiative at the tactical and strategic level.

In a way, I joined because I thought I could make a difference.  In the end, I'm no longer even sure it's possible to make the kind of difference I wanted to make.