I knew for months, nearly a year, that I was going to leave the Army, but actually starting the process was both more difficult and easier than I expected. What would my new commander think of me? I had heard horror stories about people being practically abused for wanting to ETS, for "abandoning" the unit or the Army. These people get talked down to and lots of work dumped on them. Would my new commander be the kind of person to do that? Would he have had more than his share of the Kool Aid? Regardless, I knew that ETSing is what I had to do, for myself and for my family, so it wasn't going to change anything. I could put up with about anybody for 10 months.
Fortunately, the unit seems like a pretty relaxed one so far. When I arrived and started the installation in-processing, I stopped in at the unit to find out the story. They did not know where they were going to slot me when I arrived. Apparently they got word that I would be arriving prior to my promotion being published, so the had my rank wrong and did not have a slot for my rank anywhere. I had to wait to interview for my position, so a few days later I finally got the opportunity to step into my XO's office and told him my story. I simply said, "Sir I am planning on ETSing," and he was supportive. My ETS date minus terminal leave was only 10 months away and he told me he would be sure I had plenty of time to transition out of the Army. I was given a spot assisting staff and from what I gather it will not be a very time consuming job. The unit is beginning a rotation a few months before my ETS date and it was implied that I would not be needed for that rotation and I would ETS on time. The commanders and the staff are all at NTC (National Training Center, Fort Irwin, CA) for an OTC cycle (Observer/Trainer/Coordinator) right now, so I will not meet them until next week, but of the assistant staff and everyone else here right now, it seems like I will not get any pushback at all for wanting to ETS.
The next 10 months look like smooth sailing. This ruck sack and IOTV (Improved Outer Tactical Vest) should be my last. Now I just have to finish in-processing, meet the commanders when they return from NTC next week, and talk to S1 about getting my UQR packet compiled.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Why I Joined
Any story has to have a beginning for the ending to making sense, so I'll start there.
I joined the U.S. Army out of a sense of duty to my country. I know, right? It felt like an honorable thing to do, considering all of the benefits I received simply by being American. It has been subconsciously ingrained in me that having served is something that a person should do, and all of the strong, confident people I find to be worth emulating have all served. My wife and I were ready for an adventure, too. I was approaching the age limit to join as an officer, which was 30 at the time, and I was at a natural transition point in my career, so we decided that it was now or never. We chose now.
Having served, and having served overseas, I am not sure what I think of the military and that decision we made together. At a small unit level, the Army can be wildly successful as a tactical force. But strategically, it more often than not seems to blunder unguided and without purpose, or with a constantly changing purpose. The Soldiers to your left and your right are almost invariably good and dedicated people, willing to go through a shit storm simply because they would rather be there with you than know they have let you down in any way. It's at those moments, the moments when everything around you sucks, the moments when you can say without doubt that the world does not care about your personal existence, that you can look around and see with complete certainty that the people who are in that moment with you care about your existence in a deep and fundamental way. The team becomes one. Experiencing that, even just to a tiny degree, makes you realize just how bad life is but how wonderful it can be. When humans are at their worst -- taking each others' lives over ideas and resources -- we're also at our best -- giving our own lives so someone else has a chance at survival. It also makes other relationships more pale, and it makes it more difficult to relate to people who have not glimpsed that same horrible epiphany, almost like the veil of reality has been torn apart by the gruesome parts of the world to reveal a deeper beauty. These moments can be so incredibly fleeting, and yet incredibly rewarding. That, along with the fast-paced wide-open-throttle nature of Army life, even during the slow days of "hurry up and wait," can make Army life addicting. I understand why so many people want to make a life of it.
The Army also does a lot to try to "compensate" for the pain it puts you and your family through on a regular basis: free housing and an incredible community of neighbors, top notch health benefits for the family, excellent schools for your children, retirement. You are given so much and your family is tempted to take these things in an attempt to fill the void caused by your absence and emotional distance even when you are around. Ultimately, for us, those things were not enough. In a way, the Army's give-and-take begins to feel like a classic abusive relationship. Fortunately, I have career options; but so many people in the military do not, or at least do not believe they do. And the Army does only token things to help people discover careers outside of the Army. There is a a culture that divides those in the military from those outside the military. It says that civilians are lazy, do not do their jobs right, and don't understand what is important. Military members are productive, intensely focused, and cut through the corporate crap. Well, in my experience that's simply not true. The rank structure of the military teaches people to be confident only in a very narrow range of tasks, while making them scared to "step outside their lane," and we're taught that civilian life is foreign and way outside of our lane. The truth is, the majority of people in the military have very little experience with civilian jobs, even among the highest ranking individuals. Most joined the ranks immediately after school and have not deviated for 20, 30, even 40 or more year careers. They just don't know what life outside the military is like, and that makes the military very conservative and untrusting of change or outside influence. Military members do not know how to transfer their strengths from the military to a civilian job, and the military has no idea how to use a person's civilian experience or credentials within the military. I joined with a specific set of skills born through my civilian job. I went through OCS (officer candidate school) after BCT (basic combat training or "boot camp") and "branched" (was given my broad job description based on Army need and a list of my preferences) just like every other person in OCS. Simply put, a person joining the military to become an Infantry officer takes the same path as a person wanting to become a Finance officer, and they have almost no control over whether or not they will become an Infantry or Finance officer when the time comes to branch. I knew that that is what I signed up to do. In fact when joining I was eager to go into the combat branches which is one of the more likely routes. But looking back at the process now it seems so wasteful. How is the Army supposed to attract talented individuals when they completely disregard that talent? It is one example of the conservative and unerring way the Army operates which makes it unattractive to anyone that already has skills. The Army believes in breaking people down before building them up, but there are times when you can recruit people with skills the Army needs and claims to want without the need to break a person down first. For instance, why would a Certified Public Accountant with the highest degree of financial education available choose to join the military to use his or her accounting skills when there is only a tiny chance of actually becoming a Finance officer after having already signed and committed? And, does a Finance officer with 20 years of military experience have the same qualifications and credentials as a civilian C.P.A.? No, not unless they did it on their own in addition to their military job.
I joined the Army when it was just me and my wife. We had considered having kids but knew the time was not right before. When we decided to give it a shot, it only took one try. I had joined wanting to go in to the combat oriented branches, especially Armor, and seriously thinking I would do 20 years to get the pension retirement. But becoming a future father changed that. I requested the Logistics branches as my top choices knowing that if I deployed at least I would not be the guys going out looking for trouble. I was high on the OML (Order of Merit List) and so it was easier for me to get one of my top choices, but in no sense guaranteed. Lots of my friends were not so fortunate. Becoming a father continued to inform every decision I would make in the Army. Ultimately my family and I decided that I could better serve my wife and son as a civilian at home than as a Soldier abroad. For others, the benefits do outweigh the risks; but I believe the Army could do a lot more to attract and retain the top talents in America instead of leaving those people on the table to be picked up by big businesses and corporations that do not always have the nation's best interests in mind. The Army understandably emphasizes physical fitness, but over a 20 year career a person's body will invariably deteriorate from the stresses. What we need to be emphasizing is not just the physical, and not just the training, but real and true education to attract leaders and Soldiers that understand the goals and will take the initiative at the tactical and strategic level.
In a way, I joined because I thought I could make a difference. In the end, I'm no longer even sure it's possible to make the kind of difference I wanted to make.
I joined the U.S. Army out of a sense of duty to my country. I know, right? It felt like an honorable thing to do, considering all of the benefits I received simply by being American. It has been subconsciously ingrained in me that having served is something that a person should do, and all of the strong, confident people I find to be worth emulating have all served. My wife and I were ready for an adventure, too. I was approaching the age limit to join as an officer, which was 30 at the time, and I was at a natural transition point in my career, so we decided that it was now or never. We chose now.
Having served, and having served overseas, I am not sure what I think of the military and that decision we made together. At a small unit level, the Army can be wildly successful as a tactical force. But strategically, it more often than not seems to blunder unguided and without purpose, or with a constantly changing purpose. The Soldiers to your left and your right are almost invariably good and dedicated people, willing to go through a shit storm simply because they would rather be there with you than know they have let you down in any way. It's at those moments, the moments when everything around you sucks, the moments when you can say without doubt that the world does not care about your personal existence, that you can look around and see with complete certainty that the people who are in that moment with you care about your existence in a deep and fundamental way. The team becomes one. Experiencing that, even just to a tiny degree, makes you realize just how bad life is but how wonderful it can be. When humans are at their worst -- taking each others' lives over ideas and resources -- we're also at our best -- giving our own lives so someone else has a chance at survival. It also makes other relationships more pale, and it makes it more difficult to relate to people who have not glimpsed that same horrible epiphany, almost like the veil of reality has been torn apart by the gruesome parts of the world to reveal a deeper beauty. These moments can be so incredibly fleeting, and yet incredibly rewarding. That, along with the fast-paced wide-open-throttle nature of Army life, even during the slow days of "hurry up and wait," can make Army life addicting. I understand why so many people want to make a life of it.
The Army also does a lot to try to "compensate" for the pain it puts you and your family through on a regular basis: free housing and an incredible community of neighbors, top notch health benefits for the family, excellent schools for your children, retirement. You are given so much and your family is tempted to take these things in an attempt to fill the void caused by your absence and emotional distance even when you are around. Ultimately, for us, those things were not enough. In a way, the Army's give-and-take begins to feel like a classic abusive relationship. Fortunately, I have career options; but so many people in the military do not, or at least do not believe they do. And the Army does only token things to help people discover careers outside of the Army. There is a a culture that divides those in the military from those outside the military. It says that civilians are lazy, do not do their jobs right, and don't understand what is important. Military members are productive, intensely focused, and cut through the corporate crap. Well, in my experience that's simply not true. The rank structure of the military teaches people to be confident only in a very narrow range of tasks, while making them scared to "step outside their lane," and we're taught that civilian life is foreign and way outside of our lane. The truth is, the majority of people in the military have very little experience with civilian jobs, even among the highest ranking individuals. Most joined the ranks immediately after school and have not deviated for 20, 30, even 40 or more year careers. They just don't know what life outside the military is like, and that makes the military very conservative and untrusting of change or outside influence. Military members do not know how to transfer their strengths from the military to a civilian job, and the military has no idea how to use a person's civilian experience or credentials within the military. I joined with a specific set of skills born through my civilian job. I went through OCS (officer candidate school) after BCT (basic combat training or "boot camp") and "branched" (was given my broad job description based on Army need and a list of my preferences) just like every other person in OCS. Simply put, a person joining the military to become an Infantry officer takes the same path as a person wanting to become a Finance officer, and they have almost no control over whether or not they will become an Infantry or Finance officer when the time comes to branch. I knew that that is what I signed up to do. In fact when joining I was eager to go into the combat branches which is one of the more likely routes. But looking back at the process now it seems so wasteful. How is the Army supposed to attract talented individuals when they completely disregard that talent? It is one example of the conservative and unerring way the Army operates which makes it unattractive to anyone that already has skills. The Army believes in breaking people down before building them up, but there are times when you can recruit people with skills the Army needs and claims to want without the need to break a person down first. For instance, why would a Certified Public Accountant with the highest degree of financial education available choose to join the military to use his or her accounting skills when there is only a tiny chance of actually becoming a Finance officer after having already signed and committed? And, does a Finance officer with 20 years of military experience have the same qualifications and credentials as a civilian C.P.A.? No, not unless they did it on their own in addition to their military job.
I joined the Army when it was just me and my wife. We had considered having kids but knew the time was not right before. When we decided to give it a shot, it only took one try. I had joined wanting to go in to the combat oriented branches, especially Armor, and seriously thinking I would do 20 years to get the pension retirement. But becoming a future father changed that. I requested the Logistics branches as my top choices knowing that if I deployed at least I would not be the guys going out looking for trouble. I was high on the OML (Order of Merit List) and so it was easier for me to get one of my top choices, but in no sense guaranteed. Lots of my friends were not so fortunate. Becoming a father continued to inform every decision I would make in the Army. Ultimately my family and I decided that I could better serve my wife and son as a civilian at home than as a Soldier abroad. For others, the benefits do outweigh the risks; but I believe the Army could do a lot more to attract and retain the top talents in America instead of leaving those people on the table to be picked up by big businesses and corporations that do not always have the nation's best interests in mind. The Army understandably emphasizes physical fitness, but over a 20 year career a person's body will invariably deteriorate from the stresses. What we need to be emphasizing is not just the physical, and not just the training, but real and true education to attract leaders and Soldiers that understand the goals and will take the initiative at the tactical and strategic level.
In a way, I joined because I thought I could make a difference. In the end, I'm no longer even sure it's possible to make the kind of difference I wanted to make.
Introduction
I started this blog to capture what it was like for me when ETSing from the U.S. Army. For a lot of us, it can be a difficult process for many reasons. Maybe you believe your command will not react favorably to you when you announce your decision, or maybe the idea of the great unknown outside of Army life is too much. For me, the biggest hurdle to starting the process was inside myself. I was raised to believe that quitting was not something a self-respecting person does; and ETSing felt a lot like quitting.
Serving in the military is more than just a job, it is a 24/7/365 commitment. It is all-consuming, fast-paced, and demanding. It is a lifestyle. Army life is extremely hard on us, and just because something is hard isn't a good reason to quit doing it. But Army life is also hard on our families and our loved ones. I began to see that I could no longer ask my family, the people I cared about most in the world, to continue to make the sacrifices required. They were my number one priority.
The polar shift, the critical moment for me was when my son was conceived. It took me almost a full year to realize it, but being a father changed my entire world view. I knew that it was my responsibility to bring this kiddo up right, to be there to teach him, to make sure he becomes a person that will contribute to the world. Time and time again the Army ordered me to be absent, kept me from being present for him and my wife. And I don't even mean deployments but even the little tasks, the midnight phone calls, the daily issues that seemed less and less important relative to my family. Little frustrations began to add up, and that's when I knew that I would not be able to do my job the way the Army needed it to be done. Little by little I was unwittingly leaving the Army Team and became part of the Jeremy and Stephanie Team. I decided it was best for everyone involved to make that transition official.
When I began to search on the internet about the process of ETSing (Early Termination of Service, also called UQR or Unqualified Resignation) at the end of my active duty service obligation, I found some helpful information but it seemed there was a lot more about the process I needed to learn. I thought that my experiences might help someone else down the road, so I am recording them here. If you have any specific questions about part of the process, or even my specific experiences, please feel free to comment or send me a message. While I intend to make this about the process I went through, I do not intend to hide behind the anonymity of the internet. If any Army official reading these posts wants details about my personal experiences, I am happy to provide them in the hopes that we can work to improve life inside the Army and the processes with which Soldiers are faced. I am grateful that there are as many in America willing to volunteer for the difficult life of serving their country in the armed forces, and I am grateful that they allowed me to serve with them.
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